Father’s Day Can Be Complicated
For people that had good experiences with their dad, Father’s Day is a reminder of an opportunity to celebrate him for all that he’s done for you.
Yet, I also recognize that there are people that didn’t have good experiences with their fathers. When they think about their fathers, there’s, hurt, anger, abandonment, and, pain. These feelings culminate in what society calls daddy issues. Daddy issues are not limited to women, they also effect men.
The week before Father’s Day there were several news reports about journals and entertainers speaking about their experiences with their dads. Lessons learned and their hopes and dreams for their children. They shared about learning how to fish from their dads, making sure the family all had dinner together, and learning responsibility and structure.
There were also those who shared that they had poor experiences with their dad and promised themselves that they would be much better and dads to their children. So, if you find yourself amongst the population that has mixed negative feelings about your dad here are some recommendations:
1. Deep down inside every kid sees their dad as their superhero. But the reality is that dads are people that have imperfections. But remember that their imperfections don’t define your potential.
2. Now that you are the adult, you get to define the next chapter. That may mean taking the step to forgive your dad. That may mean making things different/better for the next generation. What kind of dad would you like to be? As a woman, what kind of dad would you like for your children to have? These are things that you get to choose.
3. Clarify your motivation. If the parent you choose to be is rooted in response to not wanting to be like your dad, I would suggest changing your motivation. Decide to be motivated by the love you have for your children not the anger you have towards your dad. In doing so, you will feel more joy versus what you’re trying to distance yourself from.
So, if you had a complicated relationship with your dad I hope that this Father’s Day with your children is a wonderful celebration. I hope it’s the beginning of a new chapter for you. And if you had a great relationship with your dad I hope you enjoy celebrating with him or his memory, and your children. Happy Father’s Day.